And both of which I was prepared to give. I spent months uncovering bits and pieces of you, in an ever-so-subtle way. Naturally, you've shared. And slowly but surely, two people, strangers in the not-so-distant past, became connected in this crazy world. You've occupied my thoughts, been inspiration behind my words, and have given me hope to believe that, one day, I'll love again -- deeper than I have ever loved before.
I think so highly of you. I admire your drive, your passion and your dedication to everything that you love. I adore your innocence and commend the respect you have for yourself. But what captures my attention more than anything else is your simplicity. Behind everything the eye can see, behind all the glitz and the glamour, is a woman with worries and fears.
Someone who loves and desires to be loved in return. So carefully I've listened to everything you've shared with me. And believe me, I've remembered it all. And I believe so deeply in those dreams of yours. So much, in fact, that I dream even bigger for you. You're something real. And I'm grateful that you've trusted me enough to give me even the smallest glimpse inside your world. I talk about you to everyone. Like you're poetry to a world still learning the alphabet. And if I had one wish, I'd allow you to see how beautiful you are through my eyes. Hearing your name or seeing it pop up on my iPhone brings this excitement.
A feeling I deliberately waited for; and at times, feared I would never feel again. So I savor every moment of this feeling because I've learned in my life how quickly things can change. Sure, I'm certain you're aware of my interest, I've made it rather obvious. But what I actually feel for you I've kept a deep secret -- until now, of course.
Because I wanted the entire world to know how amazing I think you are. Sure, there are countless men who I'm certain appreciate your obvious outer beauty. But I cannot imagine there being another man in this world who sees your inner beauty the way I do. I'm aware of what stands in my way, so purposefully, I've kept a safe distance. I've listened and observed, as any man should. But I've refused to be just another who comes along saying you deserve better, telling you how beautiful you are, all while promising you the world.
What I can give you, though, is a piece of your soul that you never knew was missing and every reason to never stop smiling. I've allowed my actions to speak louder than any word could. All in hopes that it becomes clear to you there's a man out there who just wants one thing: to make you happy. Believe me, there's no time too long that will keep me from showing you what you truly deserve I believe in energy.
And I believe that we're gravitated toward those whose energies we're meant to share.
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Clearly, I feel yours. And I don't think I met you just to meet you. That's always been reason enough for me to entertain the idea of there one day being a "you and me. Maybe this story has more chapters -- or maybe this is the end. Either way, there's something you should know. In an instant, you unknowingly touched my heart, grabbed a piece of my soul, directed it at you, and gave me every reason to never look back.
It just happened, exactly the way they describe in books and movies. The only difference is that this is real. And I don't know if it makes me believe in coincidence, fate or sheer blind luck, but it definitely makes me believe in something. You've made me feel what pain and heartache once threatened to take away. So for that, I'm thankful. And that has always been reason enough to pursue you in ways I have never pursued a woman: with deliberate care and a subtle persistence.
And while I may have the attention of people from all over the world, it's only yours that I want. And I'll leave more than flowers on your doorstep or kisses on your forehead. I'll leave my fingerprints on your soul and pull you close enough to touch your heart. All so I can wipe away your tears and wash away the insecurities that have been left by those who have failed to love you correctly. Because like a crisp, blue summer sky, you're the beautiful sight I want to get lost in day after day after day.
Real Life. Real News. Real Voices. Help us tell more of the stories that matter from voices that too often remain unheard. News Politics Entertainment Communities. HuffPost Personal Videos Horoscopes. Part of HuffPost News. All rights reserved. Skip to Article. You are the one I want to grace all of the pages I have yet to write. Needless to say, what I'm looking for today is a lot different than ever before. But I don't believe in using others as a Band-Aid to a cover up a wound, either. But settling for mediocre love isn't something I am willing to do.
I laid eyes on you, and nothing in my life has been the same since. It was like my eyes locked onto a soul that I waited years to find. But I knew I would have to let you go until destiny allowed us to meet again. I drove home that evening with this overwhelming desire to learn everything about you. I wasn't sure if or when I'd see you again, but I was determined to find a way. Your laugh; innocent enough to bring a smile to the angriest of people. Your intelligence; and how you try to impress me with all you know. But what I adore the most, what draws me in more than anything else, is that incredible smile.
I don't agree with your statement that there isn't someone for you out there. Do you expect to find someone interesting just by sitting at home moaning about how unlucky you are when it comes to relationships?
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Get out there and put yourself in the path of the tornado man. That's what the universe is telling you. I'm hardly sitting at home moaning about anything. Today is the only day of my whole week where I'll have a whole day to myself. I have such a vibrant social life that I've recently started saying no to things just to have the chance to be alone, contemplate, meditate, read, exercise, and catch up on my chores.
But thanks for caring! I believe any number of people can be suitable partners for us, there isn't just one person, like some piece of the puzzle, floating around out there waiting to latch on. The spiritual axiom is that if I think something is wrong with the world, it is within me So, not for me or anyone else to say what the issue is overall; most likely a combination of all of the above My own experience with women who are at least basically physically attractive is that they are self-centered.
They are obsessed with themselves: what's wrong with me; am I doing this right; is he right for ME; me, me, me You have to care about the other person being happy and content, not obsessed with whether he's good enough, you're good enough, etc Don't judge; don't assess; stop "improving what is broke" But, stop obsessing, worrying, assessing, judging, measuring, figuring it out..
To the Woman I Want to Build My Life With
Here's the deal: you are trying to figure out what's wrong. The secret is that there's nothing wrong, other than that you think something's wrong Is this my ex boyfriend?? I think you wrote this for me to read. I have been single for 4 yrs after a 32yr marriage. I have done my therapy work or at least I thought. I do the" obsessing,assessing,judging and trying to figure it out" thing.
I suppose I am one that does try to figure out what is wrong. This is actually what I DO tend to do: "lighten up; dance til dawn; have wild sex; laugh. I'm probably the happiest I've ever been in my life. Which is why I know I'm ready for my beloved to come along. In relationships I'm actually usually the one giving more than I get. I think it's natural to try to figure out "what's wrong", but I agree with you that this perspective isn't always helpful.
It can be if the problem is a lack of social skills, pathological shyness or anxiety, or something else that can be worked on. But in my case, I believe it's a combination of the fact that I'm attracted to men who think outside the box, to men who are older who tend to have already had one marriage and to be ambivalent about getting into an LTR , and that I myself have never wanted so badly to be married that I'd choose a man when I didn't believe wholeheartedly that we were a good match. Also, I don't believe that commitment" means that a woman owns the guy. I think this is a common misconception that I have run across a LOT.
Thanks for bringing it up. To me, commitment means that both people say "I choose you; I won't give up without a fight; you're important enough to me to want you by my side for a long time to come and I'll do as much as I can to make that work. Men: If you'd just take care of the men like you're supposed to, he'd be happy and you wouldn't be a loser! Take care of ME!!! I was in one long term relationship. On a scale, being alone is better than being with the wrong man. I'm guessing that being with the right man is far superior to being alone, but that's just a guess. And unlike the author, the majority of relationships that I see are NOT the healthy, lasting kind, they're the "this sucks but I'm terrified of being alone" kind.
I'd rather be alone. I agree with your statement: "I was in one long term relationship. Though my parents got divorced when I was 15 and were not happy together, every other couple on the street that I knew the parents of my friends if they weren't the perfect couples, they at least functioned well, at least from my perspective.
The couple next door to the right of our house is still married, and I would often go over there to talk to Debbie because she was an adult who seemed sympathetic. I still get a warm feeling when I think of their relationship or at least my perception of their relationship. Though I didn't have family examples of functional relationships, I had a lot of examples around me,and continue to see those couples around me.
I feel lucky that I see mature love in my life; It has kept me from becoming cynical about love. I know it's possible! In my view, that means the odds are astronomically against it, and most relationships are a sham to conform to societal pressure. If I had seen loads of healthy relationships early on, I'd probably have a very different view of it all.
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What we see around us has a lot to do with how we perceive relationships. I've been very lucky, considering the lack of health in the relationships of my family members, to have seen lots of healthy ones. And even more significant than that: I know more than one couple who have broken up or divorced and are still loving, good friends to each other, even without the pressure of having had kids together! My parents get along better now than they ever did when they were married.
I see relationships as a growth process, not as an agreement wherein both people stay stuck in one developmental stage. Because a relationship ends, doesn't mean its a failure. It's only a failure of neither person learns anything valuable from it. I have been single for a long time. Even though I have periods of lonliness at times, I try to push those out of my mind.
There are people who are in bad marriages who can't get out of them. Divorce is either expensive or stigmatizing, or so many other family members are tied to the marriage that a divorce would be traumatic to them.
Christian Bautista - The Way You Look At Me Lyrics
Women have partners who don't work, who don't do chores, who sit around the house, who engage in substance abuse or play video games all day, yet their faith or community dictates that they stay with these men for life. There sure are women with men who don't work, don't do chores, and have substance abuse problems. I agree. But, there are also plenty of men with women who think they are princesses and the world owes them everything. They not only do nothing, they demand clothes, shoes, jewels, fine dining and great vacations as the reward for being nasty demanding shrews.
Works both ways. Here, the author has the healthy attitude of realizing many men are wonderful and she deserves and can have one of the wonderful ones. Good for her; she's right, as long as she behaves as a caring, giving, wonderful woman, secure enough to know she will get hers as long as she gives affection and care.
Judging others and ourselves is the path to unease, discord and tension As long as my goal is to make you happy, the relationship will flourish. When my goal is to make me happy, we will surely have a problem Just sayin from a guy's long term view in 2 marriages.. Expectations and sense of entitlement can doom a relationship before it even gets started.
Christian Bautista - The Way You Look At Me Lyrics | MetroLyrics
One of the reasons I so want an LTR is because I feel like i have an incredible well of generosity inside. Though of course love doesn't have to only mean marriage and monogamy, and I give of myself to friends, family, community, and work as well, the kind of giving that happens in a couple is different.
I'm ready for reciprocity. A real problem with misandry now. Selfishness is bad for all relationships and is probably why marriage is declining and the marriages that exist are full of fighting. Can't blame it all on one sex. I don't blame my singleness on "all men" and have male friends. All married, under 25, or over Or the wrong belief system. Nothing against the Strong Sex. But modern dating makes my heart sick.
It's dehumanizing and worse than prostitution IMO. Nobody wins. No one marries either. Folks just use online dates for mindless, meaningless sex with strangers. No better than jacking off at home. At least that won't get you STDs. Or get some Mr. Goodbar or Fatal Attraction weirdo. How I long to make these words more than capricious.
The further we go, the more trainwrecks we stack up, and I find what keeps me "inside the fence" is my stern desire to limit the misfires, to put it in clunky terms. The more comfortable one gets with being single, the easier it is. Is this tragic, or the natural way of the healthy? I really don't know. Is a desire unhealthy if it never sees the viscera of manifestation? Again: don't know. I know that we are, that I am, forever left with myself, that I am and will be regardless of whoever is around me, alone.
Is this more than empiric truth; is it giving up, or is it again, a healthy outlook clearing the way for a genuine adult committed thing? Closer to knowing the answer to this, but still: on the plate. This is the realization that I think finally allowed me to relax a bit on this whole "I wanna partner" thing.
For years I bought into the imperative that we have to be coupled to be worthy. I don't know why that stuck with me, I'm a critical thinker in every other way. But when it started to dawn on me embarrassingly late that even when we're married, in love, etc, we're always alone in our own skin, that the desperation to find someone eased up. This blog post notwithstanding, I can probably say that now, more than ever before, if my life continued the way it is, I'd be pretty happy even if I didn't end up in one of those octogenarian couples.
I'm 34YR old, college educated male with a pretty good managerial job. I've never been in a long-term relationship. The longest being 16months by my count , but I've had a few, quite a few. Women at this age bracket don't want 'fun-times' anymore, its now immature to take it light, have fun, laugh I'm bashed on all sides for being immature, heartless, cold, a waste of time etc etc.
And there is nothing 'wrong' with these women, I'm not attracted to the stereotypical 'dumb-blond' types at all.
I Just Want Someone To Look At Me The Way I Look At Beer
I look at these women see beautiful, brilliant, fun women who have their shit together way more than I do, some are single-mothers, a couple managers, women that find time for family, work, studies and gym They smile and try to keep it light but I know the conversation is coming and I dread it because I'm backed into a corner 'where is this going? And the thing that I've come to realize is that the emotions I feel just get stuck in my throat.
I feel sad for these women, not pity, not looking down on them but sad, because I look around and don't see a single long term relationship or marriage that I want. I know therefore that I can't give them what they want because I've been totally unable to make myself care about the mundane things that 'long-term-relationship-type-people' seem to care about. I can't have the hour-long convos about what 'something her sister said or why her manager wants to destroy her life. This isn't a note to gloat about what a stud I am, I'm a nice guy that grew up with a single mom.
I treat women very well, and in some ways that makes it more difficult because they can't believe that I could be so caring and be willing to walk away. But what do I do? People keep saying that when the right one comes along things will change, I will be so into her that the mere thought of fleeing will never enter my head. I've been holding auditions for this 'right one.
I honestly think I need to stop dating, I feel like a cancer to these women, my conscience kills me and I have no clue what I should do to stop it. Because the women your age and a little younger have to start thinking about kids if they are going that way. Not your fault, not theirs either, just reality. You'll either have to date younger women who still want to "have fun", or find some women who view things as you do and don't have to obey some biological imperative that has to happen now.
This was actually painful to read. Forget about biological clocks, look at how you're treating people. If you don't care about them, just stop, you're wasting their time. It's not only about having kids but trying to find someone to share life with, and you can have fun with that too! As for the mundane things, IMO nobody cares about that stuff, I also zone out when people go on and on especially if it's negative, but I also care about people and check in when it's important to them.
Is this how you treat your friends? There's something more going on inside your head and you should try to figure it out. From reading this it sounds like you bought into all the fairy tales and you think it's something magical.
Nope, just enjoy being with someone and decide to live your life loving with them. I've always felt that it's better to be alone than to cause harm or be harmed by someone else. If you can be good to someone else that's when you should start dating. Stop dating. You're not mature enough to appreciate the women who are interested in you. Go to bars for hook-ups and leave good women alone. They don't deserve to be used and no one owes you their time.
Seriously, if you want to enjoy women without feeling pressure to be "The One", consider dating a woman who already has a primary partner and who is in the polyamory community. Many of my friends are poly, and its not like they're any happier in their relationships than monogamous people, but they're looking for different experiences, often. I think your comment also brings up an important point that I've brought up with men before. I had this conversation with an ex-boyfriend who just felt ambivalent about me, through no fault of either of ours. You don't have to want to be in a monogamous - or any - relationship!
It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. I happen to want a LTR though I don't want kids, and I'm really a party girl at heart so serious isn't really what I'm after , but you don't have to. If you still want women in your life, you'll just need to find the community of women who aren't going to pressure you in that way. You know, I really had a great deal of sympathy for you until I got to the "polyamory" part. You can slice it and dice it all you want, but the bottom line is that you and your pretty poly buddies merely sugarcoat "sleeping around.
Not to mention increased risk of STDs? Any mature, stable guy who is a potential "keeper" will run in the opposite direction when he hears you pontificating like this. Unless, ahem, he is a spineless, wimpy "New Age sensitive male. Then you don't know any poly people. The people in this community that I know are almost universally intelligent, sensitive, extremely good communicators, and genuinely interested in relating in a deep way. I've known people including an ex- who said they were 'poly' because they really just didn't want to commit to anyone, so this definitely happens.
But the people I'd consider actually poly are almost all in long-term relationships like of the year variety and truly love and respect their primary partners, as well as any other lovers the two of them may have. Though I don't know if I'd be poly in an LTR I would be open to it, however , I think the myth that poly people are all just emotionally stunted people out for a thrill is manifestly not true.
Sure, there are jerks in the poly community, and I know one or two. But truly, I've met more mono jerks than poly ones. Melissa Kirk is a freelance editor and writer specializing in psychology and nonfiction. Contrary to common perception, technology use supports social connection. The secret you don't want to know about ending relationship suffering. How can we support productive employees who experience mental health issues?
Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Back Magazine. Subscribe Issue Archive. Back Today. When Should You Share a Secret? Melissa Kirk Test Case. Follow me on Twitter. Friend me on Faceook. Connect with me on LinkedIn. I'm 42 and never been in an LTR. And I'm not happy about it. Submitted by Lily on February 16, - pm. Thank you for showing me that I'm not alone! Thank you! Submitted by Melissa Kirk on February 17, - pm. If it's any consolation to you, Melissa, Submitted by mplo on June 14, - am. Thanks Submitted by Anonymous on February 17, - am. It totally summarizes my own feelings about my singlehood.
Hang in There Submitted by Anonymous on February 17, - am. Speaking for myself Submitted by Fly on the wall on February 17, - pm. You're not alone Submitted by Same Boat on March 22, - am. I could have written most of the main column and your comment. Definitely your comment. It's not that Submitted by Anonymous on February 17, - am. Being single is largely a matter of choice. True Submitted by Melissa Kirk on February 17, - pm.
The problem is.. Submitted by Anonymous on February 17, - pm. You're There are only three fundamental reasons you're still single: 1 You really don't want a mate i. So immature and judgmental Submitted by Anonymous on February 18, - pm. So immature and judgmental. Maybe Submitted by Melissa Kirk on February 24, - pm.
Oh brother Submitted by Anonymous on April 12, - am. Anonymous wrote:. I think "Healthy" is the key word here. Submitted by Chris on February 17, - am. This has been my dilemma, anyways. Submitted by apasserby on February 17, - am. There are a few good reasons posted here: bcdad.